These cold and dark autumn evenings gives the mind lots of time to think. And that's exactly what I have done lately. It all frightens me a bit. Will I ever make it in the 3D business? That question keeps popping up in my head over and over again. Is it a switch off button on my brain? Guess not...
So at the train home today, I really started thinking on why that question keeps haunting me: What am I so afraid of? Don't I got confidence enough? Do my work suck? Can't I learn more and get my skills up some levels? I will learn, wont I? Baah, the train is so slow today.
And then maybe the most important question comes to my head, what directions will my work take? Modeling? Texturing? Light-setup? Post production? I feel that I can end up everywhere, or for that matter, nowhere. The train keeps going, slowly, and yuck! that woman smells wet dog! Rainy day you know.
My mind wanders off a bit, before I started thinking what I have been doing lately. Drawing. I have just bought a wacom intous 4 tablet, and after I started have some fun with it, my eyes has opened a lot when it comes to drawing. It's so fun! So, maybe texturing or light-setup? I want to make sweet atmospheres where the texture goes hand in hand with the light and makes a fantastic result. And I might like to do some effects in the post-production part of a movie or something.
I feel better. The rain almost stops, but the drops still hits the window at the train. The woman has left the train. I smile. Why? Because I finally got a goal. I know what I want to learn. I am not just gonna learn it, I want to be best at it. I want to earn money from doing it. This is my future. This is the direction my train goes.
I know I have to work hard. And that's what I intend to do. My goals are now on the web, and I have to keep my words. I will post more about what my next train-stop is on the road to happiness.
I said something about drawing, and that it has open my eyes wide open. By the end of this semester, we have to hand in 12 hand drawn observation drawings. I drew 1, the bonzai-tree at the start of this semester when I heard of the task. I looked at it and just shook my head. This was not the way I wanted it to be. So afraid of a new failure, I didn't try another one for a long time.
And then something hit my hard, I saw things different, can't really explain it. So I tried again, and oboy! I had a fun time drawing the apple. I just wanted to draw more. The next piece I drew was the DAB radio. Early Saturday morning, not the best time to draw, but I am fairly happy with the result. You see, I got a plan, I am going to try to draw different objects with different texture and surface. Always something different. It makes it fun.
So to the vase. When I looked at it again after some hours, I saw some mistakes. I choose not to fix it, because I look at my drawings from time to time, and now I know I want make the same mistake again. It's a reminder. Going up on the wall probably.
My favorite of the first 6. The eye. I took a picture of my eye, and use a mirror frequently and drew it. I have always been fascinated by eyes. It's so much personality in them. And so the light bulb. Did it yesterday while I wanted to kill some time before the football match started. Really happy about this one.